Over my January break, I went for a long walk and listened to a podcast conversation between Dr Rangan Chatterjee and Dr David Hamilton about the science of kindness.
It stayed with me, partly because it landed at a time when the world has been offering plenty of reasons for people to turn away from each other - and perhaps even more reasons to move toward each other instead.
We often talk about kindness in big, moral terms. But maybe it starts somewhere smaller. The tone we use with the barista. Letting someone merge in traffic. Softening rather than correcting. Pausing long enough to actually notice another person.
These everyday moments feel ordinary. Biologically, they aren’t.
Kindness changes the body
One study looked at people who had a common cold. After seeing their doctor, they rated how empathic the consultation felt - essentially, how understood and cared for they experienced the doctor to be.
Those who felt the highest empathy from their doctor:
- recovered faster
- had less severe symptoms
- showed measurable differences in immune activity
Same virus. Same treatment. Different relational experience → different physical outcome. Our nervous system is constantly asking: am I facing this alone, or with someone? The answer influences inflammation, immunity and recovery.
Connection is physiology
When we feel warmth or care, the body releases oxytocin - a hormone involved in bonding and safety.
Oxytocin is associated with:
- lower stress hormones
- reduced blood pressure
- cardiovascular protection
- anti-inflammatory effects
So feeling understood isn’t only emotionally comforting. It shifts the body out of threat mode and into repair mode.
Even witnessing kindness matters
Research suggests that even observing acts of compassion can temporarily increase certain immune antibodies. Your body responds not only when kindness is directed at you, but also when you see it happening.
We are relational organisms. Health isn’t only individual - it’s social.
Why this matters psychologically
We often assume change happens through insight, advice or motivation. But before any of that, the body decides whether it is safe enough to change. When someone feels heard and emotionally held, their physiology becomes more receptive -psychologically and physically. Kindness isn’t a soft extra in care or relationships. It is part of the mechanism that allows regulation and healing.
Starting at an everyday level
We don’t need grand gestures.
- A slower response
- A gentler interpretation
- Curiosity instead of assumption
- Remembering there is a person behind the behaviour
Small signals of safety accumulate in the nervous system - ours and theirs. Kindness works biologically in all directions: giver, receiver and observer.
And perhaps right now, beginning at the everyday level matters most.
Inspired by research discussed in the Feel Better, Live More podcast (Dr Rangan Chatterjee & Dr David Hamilton) alongside broader psychoneuroimmunology literature.
Rebecca Wheeler is the principal psychologist of RWA Psychology. Call RWA psychology for an appointment with Rebecca or one of our other psychologists.